SPOILER WARNING: If you've never watched Firefly or its sister film Serenity, stop reading this article RIGHT NOW. Seriously. I guarantee that you'll love it. It's cool, I'll wait.

You done? That was fast. Well, I can only apologise, but - that's it. Basically, your life has just peaked, because you will never get to revisit the world of Firefly again properly. It's a show - well, one season, a film and a small number of spin-off comics - that seems to enrapture everyone who watches it, even the cast themselves.

Yet in a remarkable parallel with Captain Mal and Zoe, Firefly fans are still struggling to cope with a world in which the battle has been lost and their dreams shattered. Admirably, the 'Browncoats' refuse to give up and have run endless campaigns for a new series or at least a sequel to Serenity.

Tragically, these efforts are wasted, and so far entirely unsuccessful. The odds are stacked against Firefly, possibly more so than ever before.
 

1. Everyone's busy…

First of all - and the point made by Joss himself in his reddit AMA - is that gathering Firefly's massive cast together again would be a nightmare for all involved. Two of its stars are currently starring in massive long-running TV shows: Nathan Fillion is of course winning awards for his role in Castle and Morena Baccarin is in Homeland, two shows offering pay checks and critical approval far beyond anything Firefly will be able to deliver. If Joss' own Avengers has taught us anything, it's that putting together an incredible team is considerably easier said than done.

2. … especially Joss Whedon

Having just directed one of the highest-grossing films ever, Joss is probably about to become one the most sought-after people in "the biz" - well, even more so than before. We've known since Buffy he can write like a champ, but Avengers has proven to the world that he can turn a damn good profit too. So the obvious option would be to leverage this power to bring Firefly back, right?

Erm, probably not. First of all, Joss is contractually tied to produce another Avengers movie - which I have a feeling will roll into production sooner rather than later. Then there's a Dr Horrible sequel and a web series called Wastelanders, which, though fairly decent, are still hardly Firefly. True, it's not a massive number of commitments, but I reckon Joss is getting signed up to some pretty big projects in the wake of Avengers.

3. The studios need to give up the rights

Then there's the problem that, even if the cast manage to escape their current commitments, they'd still have to get the rights off Fox, a network who hated the show from the beginning (even failing to air the pilot or show the episodes in the correct order). I've read suggestions that Fox might revive the brand themselves, but I don't see it as very likely - and without Joss on board, it would be an abomination requiring purging by fire.

The film rights presumably still belong to Universal and may be a bit easier to coax out of their hands - but we can only speculate. Either way, the gatekeepers are still definitely in charge.

4. The characters have been fully explored

Part of Firefly's appeal was the characters' mysterious backstories, frequently hinted at but never truly revealed. When Serenity was greenlit, presumably Joss decided to blow his wad in case he never got another chance. [MASSIVE SPOILER WARNING HERE. I DID URGE YOU TO WATCH IT AT THE TOP OF THE ARTICLE SO YOU CAN ONLY BLAME YOURSELF AT THIS POINT.] So we got the full River Tam backstory, the origin of the Reavers and the getting-together of Simon and Kaylee (finally!). To fill up a full TV series, we'd need a ton of new plot strands.

And, lest we forget, Joss killed off two key members of the cast simply because they couldn't commit to Serenity sequels. Sorry for reminding you. I was pretty distraught at the time too. Let's have a moment of reflection in memory of those brave fictional characters.

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Also: Any mystery surrounding the late Shepherd Book was dispelled in 'The Shepherd's Tale', a graphic novel described by Amazon reviewers as "a bad fanfic".

5. They already tried, and failed, to bring it back

Let's not forget that Serenity was no victory lap, but an attempt to resuscitate the franchise after Fox cruelly ended it before its time. And it totally bombed, failing even to break even at the box office. Yeah, it may have made a profit on DVD and Blu-Ray, but darlin', that ain't how Hollywood works.

After the ratings failure of the original series and the commercial failure of Serenity, who would want to throw more money at it? And before you suggest it: a fan-backed kick-starter is hardly going to raise the tens of millions necessary to fund a new show.

So yeah, it's not coming back.

At least now anytime soon, and not in its original guise. Sorry. But hey, if you really need more Firefly, there's always the fan-made movie, right? Right?